Apparently it took the human race 2005 years to realize that the word “Christmas” is in fact an offensive word. So to make the world a better place, I am reinventing some Christmas main-stays to more acceptable terms

1. (The Grinch) Dr Seuss’ Grinch Related Holiday Experience

2. (instead of Oh Christmas Tree)“Oh Brightly decorated green house plant. How lovely are thy non-denominational decorations

3. (White Christmas) I’m Dreaming of a white possibly significant December 25

4. (Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol) “A holiday reformation of a British butthead”

5. (To replace the Christmas catalog) catalog for random special occasions

6. (A sign that can be put outside stores to help protect them from lawsuits) “SEARS HOLODAY SALE - hol·i·day: - A day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event.)

7. (To Replace Christmas cookies) Annual holiday sugary snack treats

8. ( To Replace Christmas fruit cake) Fruit and Cake based celebratory desert

9. (Christmas lights) Thomas Edison memorial colored light points.

10. (I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus) “I saw mommy tonguing a bearded stranger

11. (Silver bells) ,,,It’s various special events time, in the ccciiitttyyyy

12. (TV Yule Log) PAX TV fireplace showcase!

13 (The Movie “A Christmas Story”) Redrider: One child’s venture into the dark world of underground BB gun trade. (Rated R for intense violence, hardcore nudity and gore)

14. (I’ll be home for Christmas) I have nothing special to be home for, darn it!

15. (Christmas Bonus) Company mandated belief system based cash bonus

16. (Christmas cactus) Pointy houseplant (what else would it be?)

17. (Christmas Cheer) Seasonal Happiness time

18. Christmas parades do not need to be cancelled, only relocated to international waters in the middle of the ocean! Just change Santa’s sleigh to an inflatable raft and the reindeer to swordfish.

19. (Elementary school Christmas play) “Random school celebration in no way affiliated with any specific religion, group, belief or any other form of organized celebration.”

20. (Christmas charity funds) “Have a nice December the 25^th fund”

21. (“,,,and a happy new year) Since not everyone celebrates the “new year” on December 31^st we can say “Happy anniversary of the 365^th time the sun has circled planet earth”

22. (Christmas Gift) Brightly wrapped shallow display of caring.

23. (12 days of Christmas) “The 365(6 on leap year) days of significant days” (it would be a long song but would not exclude anyone)

24. (Christmas Mistletoe) HOUSEHOLD HOLODAY MAKE-OUT POINT!

25.

Merry Christmas: Analogy Of A Greeting This time of year anymore it seems that people make an honest effort to be offended. Being told “Merry Christmas” by a store clerk, for example, is probably the most talked about. Being told “Happy Holidays” is preferred, but far less effective because lord knows that we have so many holidays that you might as well say it every day of the year. The thought of “How dare you wish me a merry Christmas and push your beliefs on me” is absurd. “Merry Christmas” is not a way of saying that the Christian religion is superior and the only religion, but it is a way to covey good feelings of peace and love. People who get offended by “Merry Christmas” may as well not speak to anyone because how dare we assume that English is their spoken language. Sometimes people just need to stop and think. Anymore, Christmas can mean anything this time of year, regardless of a belief system. Do you really want to take away one of the purest feelings of good feelings and love that the human race still has left? To make a tired point, can’t people just be happy that others are happy, even if you don’t agree with the reason.